I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
