Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
