I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
