Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
