I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
