we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
