Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
