I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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