I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
