I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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