I won't be sarcastic... just naked
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize