its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
