I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
