I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
