She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
