Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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