i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
