You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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