does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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