You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
