my soul wont recognize me after tonight
there's paper in my vomit.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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