Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
