Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
