Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
