living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
YAS. BRING CRAB.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
