i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
