Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
nut hugger
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
