Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
