you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
