arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Randomize
