I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
