I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
