apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
