when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
