you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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