A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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