Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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