Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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