Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
