A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
