yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
