Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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