NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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