apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
