So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
