We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My first STD was from a foam party
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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