I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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