just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
