Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
