dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
