my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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