i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
